Saturday, August 13, 2011

Betrayal?



"I just don't understand it..." Joe was sitting on the bench rink-side last night. He had been over for a total of 4 blood sugar checks during an hour and a half period of time. He was uneasy with how his body was feeling.

"My body is playing tricks on me Mom. I feel low." His numbers during Power Skating Camp ranged from 170 to the 220s. Not low.

After each check, he sat on the bench; he drank some water; he put on his gloves; he grabbed his stick; he stepped out on the rink; then, he skated; he skated hard.

I did not know what to tell him. I said something like "It must be really frustrating to think you are low when you are not. Maybe you are just having an 'off' day Joe." Such a ~parenting~magazine~quote~of~an~explanation~, I know.

I wish I knew what it was like for Joe. How does it feel when he is high, low, climbing, and dropping? He almost sounded "betrayed" by the numbers displayed on the glucometer screen. Is that what it is like? Is that what it is like to have diabetes? Do you, at times, feel betrayed by your body? I dunno. He handled it with grace. He pulled himself together and he carried on.

A day-in-the-life.

21 comments:

Alexis Black said...

Of course he did. He is amazing. I can only imagine how hard that is for you, since you can't "fix" it and can't possibly know how he is feeling.but only have the numbers to rely on. So hard. Sounds like through it all you guys have had a great hockey summer. Can't wait to catch up and hopefully spend a hockey winter with you!

Amy Lederer said...

I know that tone. That betrayed sound in their voice. Ryan does this every now and then. He'll swear he is low and fight with the me and the meter. I hate that. I hate it for Joe. AND I hate it for you. I hear it in your voice too. <3 you.

Roselady said...

Maybe he kept having fast bursts of fall. Even though they didn't actually make him low. Like a quick fall from 250 to 200. I've heard a fast fall can make you feel low. Oh who knows...it's not like I know how it feels!

Nikki said...

He has had a good example. He is amazing. <3

Penny said...

I don't know either, nor do I have the answer. Damn. All we can do is reassure our kiddos to trust their gut and check when they feel low. Maybe it's a process of figuring it out - a 'dropping feeling' vs a 'true low', and they need to mature and have experience with both until they figure it out. Just my thoughts.

Nicole said...

Cara too have had these battles.

But with her I never knew if she just wanted a snack or if she really felt low.

sky0138 said...

how frustrating! I hope today is better for him and he doesn't feel betrayed by his body. I don't know how diabetes feels exactly, but i do have hypoglycemia and I know how lows feel...not fun at all. High fives for carrying on with hockey though Joe!

Amy said...

Yes! What Amy said! Ellie feels her rapid falls and says they are just like when she is low. Tricky little bastard D is. Joe is so fabulous with his awareness. Remind him today what a rock star he is!!! :)

Stephanie said...

Hugs. Even though Adam is just 5, he is starting to ask to be tested at certain times. Like this week at school, I guess one afternoon, he asked to go to the nurses' office to be tested because "it has been a long time and my mommy always tests me." He was in the high 100's, but i'm glad he recognized the need and went with his gut. Makes me sad that at 5 years old, he has to think of these things, you know. Same for Joe.

Scully said...

coming from a PWD I have these days sometimes. All day I will feel varying degrees of lows but not actually BE low. I find there is no fixing it and I don't know why it happens. It just does every now and again.
I know how Joe feels, I go through so many test strips during those times because I am certain my meter isn't functioning.

Kelly said...

I wish I knew too Reyna...what it all feels like. I can only hope that one day we will be as great a team as you Beta Buddies are! You guys are just too school for cool!

Kelly said...

You do feel totally betrayed when the number doesn't reflect the feeling. Especially lows, because lows are a feeling of desperation. It's hard as an adult to wait out that feeling.....I can't imagine how it is for our kids:(

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Bean has those, too. SUCKS! Before Wilma, she would test because she felt low and wouldn't be, then test again in about 15 minutes because she still felt low and she would be significantly lower...still not low, but lowER. So, she was feeling the fall like it was a low. With Wilma, it helps, because the verification of the fall is there and that helps her.
I bet it's what's Joe's feeling...with the exercise comes the fall, thus the low feeling, even if it's not a 'true' low. So extremely frustrating, especially when it's interrupting hockey!! :)
Ducking Fiabetes!!!

Sarah said...

TJ talks about this feeling and says it occurs for him mostly when exercising; if he starts exercising when he's in the upper 100's low 200's it seems to happen more so than if he's in the 100-150 range. Seems more to do with adrenaline affecting BG than food at that point for him. He finds them frustrating,too because he'll end up checking more and not needing to do anything because he wouldn't treat a 180 with insulin, nor with food while exercising...a very frustrating time indeed.

Meagan said...

I feel for Joe! I have those moments quite often where I feel like I'm going low and I'm fine. I always seem to check my hands to see if they are shaking when I suspect a low. Generally if they are, then I find I'm low. If they're not, it's one of "those" moments. Not scientific of course, but it seems to usually ring true for me.

Ann said...

Yes, I do know this feeling! It doesn't happen to me often, but it has happened when I'm 110 or so and I haven't eaten in awhile. I can confuse tired/weak with low pretty easily...

Before I was on my sensor I was actually a lot better at "feeling" what my number was. I do love having the constant data from my Dexcom, but it is hard to lose that feeling of having a grasp on what the number is going to be on the meter.

Lora said...

Just one more way d has to be a pain in the ass!! I do know that he gets his grace and strength to carry on from his awesome mama :)

Jonah said...

I've never been really sure about when I'm low or not, for most of the time, but when I consistently thought I was low and wasn't, it was because I had thyrotoxicity giving me a tremor and I was so used to thinking that tremor = hypoglycemia. Not always, apparently.

Sysy said...

Yes. And then there is also the not knowing what normal is like so from my recollection as an active kid without diabetes there were many times when I don't know, maybe I was tired, had an "off" day, or was hungry, and therefore I didn't have the energy I expected for a soccer game or I was jittery or faint or... my game wasn't up like usual. Once with diabetes I tried to remember these moments because I would struggle between, "Is this what others feel sometimes or is this what I feel because of my diabetes?" I read a lot of books by athletes while I was a preteen and those people seemed to have a lot of days where their body didn't feel right or they were particularly weak or something. They said you just gotta train through those days and things like that. But with diabetes we still can't help but wonder why we feel symptoms of low when we're not. And sometimes I wonder if it's more of a mind game than a physical one. Anyway, just talking diabetes, yes. A high, a low, doesn't let exercise be quite the same as when blood sugar is "optimal". Muscles feel weaker...you know that book I recently reviewed by Ginger Vieira would be really interesting for you since Joe is so active. Seriously. I rarely recommend books but that one and all the insider exercise with diabetes info would be really insightful. After so many years of sports and diabetes I found the book so helpful. I wish I could have gone back in time with it. Sports were my greatest motivation back then and it seems Joe has a big big focus on activity :D I couldn't help but smile when I read: "He handled it with grace. He pulled himself together and he carried on."

Renata said...

I think betrayal is a good description. I remember the week Kelsey's lows went from being a smart mouth to being giddy. She was pissed because the "feeling" and actions switched on her. And now looking back, betrayal would have been the perfect description. The good thing is that Joe felt "off" and he recognised it. I say find the little things...miss you girl.

shannon said...

L sometimes feels her highs as lows, and she gets pretty upset when she sees that high number. glad to read what others ' experiences have been in comments here.