Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Phone...

About a week ago a good friend asked me if it helps knowing adults with Type 1? She wondered if knowing adults that have had diabetes since they were pre-schoolers gave me hope for Joe's future.

I don't really think that far ahead.

I suppose, I take it day-by-day.

It is hard to describe. When I send him off on his bike as I follow on foot, I wonder if I will find him in the street crumpled from a low. I am relieved when I find him pedalling with intense vigor. When he is left in the car recovering from a low as I run into grab Bridget from an activity, I wonder what I will see when I return to our van. I am relieved when I find Joe with his eyes open and his skin taking on color. When I call into the house, I pause and wait for a response. I am relieved when the lisp-kissed, nasally voiced Joe calls out. Always, in the back of my mind...in the periphery of my conscious, I half expect no response ... eyes closed ... pale integument ... scrumpled...crumpled ... in-need-of-immediate-assistance Joe.

**********

So, Joe has been giving camp a bit more thought than I knew about.

Last night, Joe's phone came.

Last night as he came up the stairs, Joe said "I feel low". He then headed into the bathroom. I stopped him. I told him to check a number first. I reminded him that he must "react" to a low feeling immediately. If he puts it off he could become too low to know what to do to help himself.

I don't know if it was the arrival of the phone and what it represents that initiated his response.

Perhaps it was the blood sugar of 63...and my reminder of the sequela of untreated lows.

Joe curled his long, lanky body up in my lap last night and cried in my arms. He cried because he is scared. He is scared to go to camp without me. He is scared to manage diabetes without "help". I explained that I will be around the rink quite a bit and we will figure this out as we go. I re-iterated that he is never alone. His family, his friends, his community envelope him in love and in support and in certitude.

I then did what any Temporary Head Pancreata In Charge would do ... I quizzed the shit outta him.

Me: "What do you do when you eat?"

Joe: "I look at the carbs."

Me: "What else? What else has to happen when you eat? Let me know everything that you do..." I wanted to make sure he knew the sequence of what needs to take place without me in the midst reminding him.

Joe: Right on the money with, "Check a number ... count the carbs ... bolus."

Me: "What if you are low?"

Joe: "I take 3 sugars or drink a juice."

Me: "What do you need to do 15 minutes or so after taking sugar?"

Joe: "Check a number to make sure I have come up."

Me: "Right."

Mentally and physically preparing Joe for his day-in-the-life at Hockey Camp with Type 1 Diabetes in tow. 8 years old seems so young to me right now.

24 comments:

Joanne said...

Sigh... stuff that no kid should HAVE to think about. But ours do. And that sucks. But you have prepared him well, and just think of the confidence he'll have when he does it.

Anonymous said...

I beleive you and Joe have both worked very hard for this day to come. I know you both will do great. XOXO Mom

Nicole said...

I know he can do it :) wonderful post...that is all!!

Sandy said...

It's interesting you say this about him melting down and wondering if it was the 63 causing it or not. Vince has done this. He will get mad or upset or sad about everyday things and I will say, let's get your sugar up and then we can talk. Or if I don't even know he is low, I will say where is this coming from? It seems that sometimes a low can bring their feelings right up front and become very visible. They do feel that way but it gets magnified a bit by the low.

Lora said...

There are so many things going on in our life right now that I can relate to this post. 10 seems young to ME. Yet, at 11, Leighanna seems so big.

Penny said...

I think that Joe thinking about all this is just his way of processing it. It's A LOT for an 8 year old. But do I believe that it will make him and you stronger, for going through it, for seeing he CAN do it, that you CAN do it, that he can do what he wants in life with D along for the ride? Absolutely honey, absolutely.

The Diabetic Camper said...

When I was a youth I always attended Boy Scout camp and being a T1 it was always hard. My father would go as well to keep a distant eye on me but, camp and diabetes is where it is at. You really get that fish bowl independance. I grew my diabetes independance at camp and am glad I did it.

Kelly said...

Awwww......what a sweet Joe! My heart is sad hearing his worries while he is away :(

Scully said...

This is a huge leap for him. I can't imagine how overwhelmed he must feel. I, too, think he will be so proud of himself!

Minnesota Nice said...

What a great son you have.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am finally feeling a little bit better - severly anemic because of the blood loss.
We are under a heat advisory for the next 7 days so I am just going to sack out and rest.
Have a great weekend, Reyna.

Alexis Nicole said...

He is so brave and so awesome. Seriously.. J is refusing still to bolus at school. He's scared. He does it at home but he said he needs me at school.

Honestly sometimes I forget how young they are.

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

Is it possible for you to visit him during the camp? Maybe that would give him some reassurance?

Tracy1918 said...

Oh Reyna, this post breaks my heart. And then, sadly, it comforts me as well because we are going through the same thing.

This is our life. Sigh...

Of course, Matthew is 10,but that is still too young to deal with this.

Sometimes I look at Matthew's friends and they seem so...um....immature. Would they be able to do this? Would I expect them to do what I expect Matthew to do?

That's a big struggle for me. I'll post on it soon.

But the reality is, they need to be able to take care of themself when we're not there.

My hearts breaks when it's hard on them. And often, it is.....

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Moments like that are so important...both for Joe to truly feel your support and love and for you to be able to give it.
Love the quiz! We did something similar to what we did with Bean this week...she got lots of questions while at VBS because most of those kids don't know her or D. It's reassuring to her them go through all the information...we know they know it, but verbalizing it is just an extra layer of confidence!
He and you are going to grow so much this coming week! Excited and nervous for you both...but mostly excited!! :)

NikDuck said...

Sweet Joe...that makes me sad that he feels that way, but he will do so great because you have prepared him. AND...you will be there very often checking on him I'm sure!

Roselady said...

Reminds me a little of the post lorraine wrote the other day about caleb, and his fear of not being able to do it alone. But, luckily, these kids know a lot.

sky0138 said...

my heart breaks for knowing that Joe is scared to take this leap. I know he will do it though...he has one of the worlds greatest Momma's in his corner preparing him and supporting him. big hugs to you both!

Un-Apologetic Diabetic said...

Sweet Joe!!! My heart is heavy hearing his fears. I think it will give him such confidence to take this big step. I LOVE what you said to him about not being alone. He is SO not alone, we are all pulling for him and wishing him well too!!!

And just like the awesome video you made, you guys totally "CAN DO THIS"! :)

Sarah said...

oh Reyna he is such a sweet boy, I know these things worry Isaac, but he's just three - I feel awful knowing Joe is worried too. I just know it's going to go fantastic, I can't wait to hear how it all goes at the end of the week. :)

Hallie said...

Ugh... Tears. Now I have tears! It makes me sad that our kids have to think so much about things they should not need to think about. It hurts my heart. He's going to do great, though. You are preparing him so well! ((hugs))

Sysy said...

Ugh..I just wanna hug you both. Something that helped me when I was little and playing a lot of sports was to recognize that lows during intense activity felt different. I figured it out when I was 12 and 13 and playing 3 or 4 sports a year, going to camps, and journaling my symptoms to try to learn some things. I found out my symptoms during activity would be: the feeling that, "I don't feel like I can play as good as I normally do right now..."(my confidence was low) and my heart would beat super fast(-adrenaline increasing during the low-I could often pick that out first, I felt like punching members of the opposite team all of a sudden and I'm rather peaceful) and the other thing would be my thighs would be weak. They're the biggest muscle requiring the most fuel and so one of the first ways I'd feel a low would be when I thought, "Wow, my thighs feel heavy and weak". From what I've read, other athletes get those symptoms too so I just thought I'd pass it on. (But totally come back to this later, I imagine you're overwhelmed and busy right now) Love you!

Sherry said...

I am catching up on your blog having been so busy this summer I can’t see straight. I am reading this post while I sit in the fitness and recreation centre where my girls are taking 4 hour afternoon gymnastics camp for a few days this summer. I am always full of worry. Not many people understand the seriousness of this disease. I feel like I am sending my child out into a world of clueless people. It is terrifying.

When I read the part about Joe crying in your arms I began crying. Right here, in front of a pool full of people and sportsy types roaming everywhere, I am crying. I don’t know what else to say. And I’m having trouble typing with flooded eyes.

Misty said...

Now I know why I was avoiding blogs this week...you have me in tears. 8 years old does seem so young to me too right now!! Hugs Reyna!

shannon said...

thank you for sharing what you do. the fact that you are working through this as it happens will help other moms and kids who go through it in the future. you can do this. together.