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Sunday, September 30, 2012

Welp, He Did Good. I Did Not.

We're up...



Been up since 5:30, avoiding the breakfast IOB...Joe's tryouts are at 8am.  Last night, as Joe went to bed, I asked him to wake me when he woke in the morning.  Told him that I would get his breakfast ready right away...plan was to hopefully feed him before 6am.  Breakfast, bolusing, and morning hockey have notoriously been problematic for us over the years.  Joe's body seems to be extremely insulin resistant with his first bolus to cover carbs.  His breakfast ratio is a 1:10 (the rest of the day it is a 1:20 to a 1:50...interestingly enough the 1:50 comes at morning snack to put the "brakes on" the 1:10).

OK...that's the boring stuff...onto the good stuff...

Tryouts (part 1) went well.  Well, that is, Joe did well.  He skated hard.  He did his best.  Dave and I were proud of him.  Most importantly, Joe was proud of himself.  Felt he did good.

I was, however, a bit disappointed in myself.  I share everything, too much perhaps, here.  I share the good, I share the bad.  I am not always pancreating perfectly and, as you know, my parenting tactics have their own set of issues.  Combine alternative parenting, with being a pancreas, and with being a hockey mom...well, I mess up.  A lot.

Here is what happened...please don't judge too harshly...I just wanted my kid to be evaluated on his skating...not on coming to the bench...I just so badly wanted for this chunk of time ...tryout-time ...for diabetes to not be involved.  I always say I don't really care about where Joe gets placed as a result of these tryouts.  My actions and behavior yesterday...well...they speak otherwise.  I need to take a look at that, in myself.

Joe's pre-tryout blood sugar was 288.  No IOB.  I did nothing, thinking he would skate it down.  Joe's and my plan included a blood sugar check half-way through the tryouts...at the 35-ish minute mark. 

There were about 40 children on the ice.  They were each assigned numbers and were wearing a corresponding pinnie.  Evaluators were sitting on the opposite side of the rink, with clipboards...  The kids do drill-after-drill-after-drill...repeating each one several times.  20 minutes into the session the kids are in like 6 lines...whistle is blown...a skater from each line takes off...skates hard to the blue line...hockey stops...whistle...another wave of kids takes off...first wave moves onto next line...whistle...third wave of skaters take off...first and second waves are moving on down the ice...skate.stop.skate.stop.skate.stop...they looked like soldiers. During this intense skating-hockey-stopping-drill, Joe peels out...to the bench...looks up at me and gives me the "finger-poke" sign, indicating he feels low.

Fine.

I noisily clump and clop down the bleachers in my newly purchased Old Navy ankle boots (bootlets?)...Woodchuck slung over my shoulder.

I was running fast.  I didn't want Joe to miss his evaluation time.  As I rapidly approached the bench, I hear a coach telling Joe to "get out there and hustle".  I chime in with a "he has diabetes...needs a blood sugar check".  He backed off.  Told us to take our time...meanwhile, Joe is missing out on evaluation time...looking like a ninny to the evaluator guys holding the clipboards across the rink.  They don't know our situation.  Not sure I want them too, but don't want them to think my kid is a big baby that needs to go to the bench to be coddled by his mommy.

In one fluid motion...I ran to the bench, pulled out the glucometer...loaded the strip...pulled out and cocked the lancet...Joe's number was checked.  He was 271. 

*thought here is that site is going bad...mid 200s all day...not budging...Joe's number will hold steady for the rest of tryouts*

So, I said to Joe something like ... "Don't come back over to the bench.  You are fine.  You are 271.  You're number hasn't budged.  They (my eyes dart over to the clipboard guys) are evaluating you.  You don't want to miss skating time for unnecessary checks. Don't come over...unless..."

"Mom, I felt low."

"Yeah, I know...but your not...go skate...and...have fun." (but what I really meant..go skate your patootie-off...screw the fun)

So, off he went.  He skated.  He stick-handled.  He did fine.

Then, with 15 minutes left...he comes to the side of the rink.  I am looking at him with a "what can you possibly need?" look...mascara-fringed eyeballs kinda buldging outta their orbits.  Through the glass, through the helmet, through his gestures, I make out that Joe now has to go pee.  Denied.  I somehow convey back by pointing to the clock and giving him a "what-the-what?!" look with exasperated arm gestures that pee-ing will have to wait.  He skated off.

Not sure how the mid to high 200s feels on one's bladder.  He finished though.  Did well.

Post-tryout number was 273.  Changed his site.  Only 1/2 corrected and bolused for dinner.  He came down to 100 within and hour, or so.  Had to stop the crash with a couple of glucose tabs.

A day-in-the-life of diabetes being part of it all...even when I wish it would just go away.

15 comments:

Penny said...

Aw honey, we are all doing the best we can. That's all we can do. Can I suggest something? Why don't you hook up with Ginger and get a consult about how to handle this hockey and the D? It might make you feel better about it all. I know I talk to Gary about what to do when Grace has dance class, and it's been SO helpful, and it's relieved some of my guilt. Just think about it. You are doing the best you can. I applaud you and your hockey-d skills, my sister. <3

Lora said...

I get it. You don't want him "judged" for the wrong reasons. I am sure he will get placed on a team that will be a great fit for him. I know he wasn't low, but being willing to leave the line and make sure he's okay, shows that he understands his safety is most important. He didnt push himself to get that last skate in. You should be proud of that... You have taught him well.

Anonymous said...

You did a great job, Joe is learning how to deal with his life. I am proud of both of you.

Love, Mom

Kelly said...

You didnt do bad Reyna!! You were assuring Joe that his number was "fine" while at the same time stressing the importance that he get back out there.....

Gosh, what a tough situation! I totally hear what you are saying and I cant imagine how fried your brain gets managing D on the ice...and tryouts? AHHHHH!!!! I hope the next days turn out better for you both!

Amanda said...

I think I would have done the same thing, or not, who knows. I sent my girl out onto the soccer field at 81 yesterday when I knew she was dropping, yeah, I gave her some smarties and ran out onto the field shoving gluc tabs in her mouth, but 10 minutes later she was still 63, had her suck down juice for the last period, but it never occured to me to just take the pump off or reduce the basal. It's hard to think of every.single.thing when you are in a time crunch and kind of stressed out. Hope the rest of tryouts go well!

Kelly said...

Sometimes I just don't know how you manage to do all that you do but you do and you do it with such style and fabulosity! xoxo

Carey said...

After a full weekend of hockey, this post certainly hits home. I showed Charlie the photo of Joe testing on the bench and said, 'hey, this look familiar?" We so badly want our kids to have the opportunity to compete in top form just like the non-D kids. I've made some questionable decisions when it comes to hockey and diabetes. I would have done the same as you.

Colleen said...

I read this, this morning, and my heart just ached for you. We, your blog friends, know that you want Joe to be his best at hockey, whatever. Stupid d gets in the way and it is sucky. Fingers crossed that his evaluation was awesome and that he showed them he's great!

sky0138 said...

I friggin HATE when D tries to get in the way of things like this. Way to go Mom and Joe for rockin it and doing what you do best.

Anonymous said...

Don't know Joe's metabolism, but our DD, if 277 and swimming would definitely come dowyon quite a bit.... the second time, I would have just given him one-third his usual bolus. With IOB, exercise makes much stronger, he may have come down. But a site that suddenly conks out on you... no crystal ball... it just happens. You did everything right. If you had pulled Joe over to change his site and he missed his evaluation, not getting proper placement on the team for the year, that would be placing Diabetes first at a time when Diabetes just needs to take a back seat for just an hour or two. Yes, you made the right decision. Stop blaming yourself. Despite your best efforts, many times in life he will be high for a few hours. But he only gets one shot for the year for the hockey team. Good call on your part, I would say.

katy said...

The only person who messed up here was the diabetes fairy. Every factor was backwards on her part, but you were--as always--smart AND awesome and I bet your mascara looked great.

Congratulations to Joe on an excellent audition!

shannon said...

<3

Heidi / D-Tales said...

This D Rent thing is never easy, huh? And being an active, hockey-playing kid with T1 is not easy either. Go easy on yourself. I would have done the same as you! You "did good," mama!

Sarah said...

Sounds like you did what you needed to do, nothing harsh on either end from you or Joe - you guys are a much greater team in all this than you give yourself credit for. Just wondering but do you use Dex when he's playing hockey?

Holly said...

And what did you do wrong? I would've done the same-he was fine, and you have to have a cushion before they go work out! Don't make yourself feel bad, you do the best you can in any moment. I'm sure he'll appreciate all you do as he gets bigger. Hockey is important to him too, and he did the right thing: coming in to get checked. You got him back out there, and he was ok. Maybe needs to bathroom break right before next time? ; ) Mary Claire DANCES when she's got to go. Sometimes they can't wait. ; )
Thinking of you, Reyna!! xoxo