The Mirror

As we walked side-by-side through the parking garage into the hospital yesterday, his 6' frame towering over me...he said 'I don't really even think about having diabetes except on Endo days and sometimes when I have to check a number.'

'Really?'

'Yeah'

He then went onto say something that briefly caused my eyes to sting.  He said, 'it's weird, but when I look in the mirror...I don't see my POD anymore.  I don't see the CGM.  I just see me.' 

When Joe thinks of himself, he says diabetes doesn't even enter his definition of who he is.

The Endo appointment went well.  Joe continues to do the majority of his care.  He is an active high school freshman and manages to juggle school, being an athlete, and managing diabetes successfully.  His A1C was 7.  A fine number considering his growth and his independence.

He turns 15 at the end of April.  We discussed his drivers permit with his endocrinologist.  You see, driving with diabetes adds another element of risk to just the act of driving.  People with t1d need Medical Clearance Paperwork, in order to get their driver's permit or license.  When Joe starts to drive, he should check a blood glucose prior to driving and every hour if he is driving for more than an hour's time.  He should not drive unless his blood glucose is 90mg/dL, or higher.  Driving low is more dangerous than driving inebriated.

I'm not sure how I am doing with all of this.  Actually, that's a lie.  I do know how I've been doing.  I've been fairly anxious.  High school has been more of an adjustment for me...than for him; I think.  I have had to back off as a hands-on pancreas and trust that I have taught him well.  I have.  Can I just say, at this age, sometimes having that damn Dexcom is a blessing and a curse all in one.  Watching his blood sugar remotely can cause my mascara-fringed eyeballs to bulge outta their orbits when his number is tanking to the 40's, while he is at school or at a hockey practice.  There isn't a darn thing I can do to help him.  I watch.  I wait.  I worry, then I hope and I trust things will be OK.

A day-in-the-life update.

Conscientious

Yes, he is 12.  Yet, it's already on his mind; driving and diabetes.  In particular, lows and driving and the impact of those two potentially dangerous things occurring simultaneously.

"If it's a long road trip... like a few hours, I think I'll stop and check every hour... does that sound good?"

"Yeah, Bud, that sounds like a good plan."

"I would never want to hurt someone."

"I know."

"You take good care of diabetes.  When it's time, we will ask your doctor about it.  I know you will be responsible."

"Would I go to jail?"

"For what?"

"If I caused an accident."

"Because of a low?"

"Yea."

"I don't think so ..  I really don't know."

"Hurting or killing someone else ... " His conversation trailed off.  He shook his head and looked out the car window.

All of these years have been spent caring for him and worrying for his well being, his safety, his psycho-social-emotional health in dealing with a somewhat micro-managed day-in-the-life.  Am I teaching him well?  Will he eventually get the hang of it all?  Will he make safe decisions?  The driving and the college years have started to seep into my thoughts.  I suppose it should not surprise me he has some concern over his increasing independence and the responsibilities that accompany it. 

Realizing how his day-in-the-life could harm others.

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