As we arrived at the farm, I give Bridget a "sush" sign with my pointer finger placed to my lips. She asks quietly, "Can I stay in the car?"A hushed answer of something like "Sure...I am just gonna check Joe's number and then I'll grab the veggies quick."
She knows that I am worried.
Joe is asleep or passed out or unconscious. I don't know which. My hunch is asleep, but with "D" as part of the picture it clouds my vision at times.
**********
The past few days have been sun-up to sun-down activity in full sun. He is tired.We had left the pool about 25 minutes prior. He slipped and fell in the pool parking lot as we departed. Road rash resulted. He didn't cry. He got up and brushed himself off. Once we were to the van though, his pump started in with the decrescendo alarm. "Pump Not Primed" was messaged on the screen. Fine. I unhook the pump from Joe. I rewound. I re-loaded the cartridge. I hooked the pump back up to Joe's site. And...off we went for our 20 minute, or so, drive to the farm. I hadn't checked Joe's blood glucose for about an hour...or so. Who knows.
I blare the music. I am thankful for the peace of the drive. The kids are too tired to bicker. The music drowns out any conversation they may want to initiate. I can mindlessly drive. I can enjoy my thoughts without interruption. I am now exhaling.
Then, I notice in the rear view mirror that Joe is out. Head~slumping~under~the~seat~belt, head~bobbing, mouth~slobbering~a~ bit~ "out". In my mind the following thoughts fleet "he is just asleep"..."however, what if the pump malfunctioned after that fall?" ... "how much insulin was in the cartridge?" ... "it would be too soon for him to pass out from that ... right?" ... "stop it, he is just sleeping!" ... "he is OK" ... "but..."
The thoughts continue as such. The positive, happy go-lucky me talking down the more realistic, morbid me. Through this conversation in my head, I decide to not freak and to just check his number once I arrive at the farm.
I prick his finger. He doesn't budge. 5-4-3-2-1. A 213 is obtained. I don't correct.
Salad turnips, kale, lettuce, garlic scapes, and radishes are gathered quickly so that I can get back to my tired crew that is holed up in the van.
Bridget is struggling with the in's and out's of sleep.
The drive home is more relaxing with the knowledge that Joe is indeed sleeping instead of the alternatives. Ah .... the little things.
A day-in-the-life of what enters my thoughts while caring for my child with Type 1 Diabetes.
24 comments:
I certainly can relate to that rational self trying to talk down the panicked self. These days the panicked self usually wins out; the what-ifs are just too scary.
ugh i've been there my friend. I hate those inner arguments with myself! Trying to convince myself that she is in fact just sleeping...makes it hard to even concentrate on not driving us off the road. Glad to hear all was well though!
Wait until you read the post I have scheduled for tomorrow. Same.
I HATE "pump not primed no delivery". HATE. IT. bad, bad memories....so glad he is ok!!
I hate those conversations with myself...why can't a simple 'kid exhausted from playing hard (like kids should!) falling asleep in the car' just be a well deserved nap?!
So glad it wasn't any of the other 'options' and he got the rest he needed!
Sounds like a yummy trip to the farm...I've GOT to get to the farmer's market this weekend!
It sucks, big time. Wouldn't it be nice to just have a sleepy son?
Oh I know! Don't you just wish our kids could simply fall asleep without us going...well...down that road.
Just yesterday, Matthew said he was thirsty as he went to the fridge. Oh course, I immediately think he's high. But he could actually just be thirsty, right? And he was.
But our brains never get a rest, do they?
Or our hearts. : (
Oh, we totally understand that feeling! Hate that we can't just relax and let them do what their bodies tell them to do! My husband and I were just talking the other night....wonder how long we have until Lily forbids us from using the baby monitor for her anymore? We're kind of attached to it!
Hi Reyna:
Everytime we're in the car around the 3 o'clock hour, I also see a passed out boy in my rear-view mirror -- and every time I figure he's just sleeping...but maybe not? And we always have to check. Hard not to get on edge everytime you see them sleeping unscheduled, unfortunately.
HATE that. Happened to me just this morning with Elise on the way to the doctor. I mean, what kids falls asleep at 10:20 in the morning???
Apparently, Elise does.
I hate when they fall asleep....I love them to get some extra snooze when they need it.... but YEAH...I hate the unexpected naps! Damn Diabetes!
I know what you mean. I constantly find myself questioning thing. Did I take the long lasting or the short acting insulin shot? What if I took a giant fast acting one by mistake? Scary thing that D. :(
I have similar conversations with MYSELF. I don't always realize it but sometimes I do argue with myself when I'm questioning how I feel and what I think my level is. It's hard to ignore those morbid "what if" thoughts...it's hard to think logical since there logic can't be applied to D every time. Glad he wasn't low!
I know I've stopped in the middle of BFE to check Isaac's BG while eighteen wheelers blared by just because I had to be sure that Isaac was sleeping (not in a coma or worse!) It is a very distressing part of d. I am glad Joe is/was fine. Oh, I have a workout question for you - how do you get your runs in when the kids are home for the summer? And I was thinking about buying a running belt with the bottles on the side so that I can put gatorade in one for Isaac and use the pouches for his glucometer and glucose tabs, have you tried one? I need something the camo bag or backpack just aren't cutting it for quick trips around the block with the boys on bikes and me running! Let me know what you think.
L fell asleep on the way home from school a lot this year. It was never comfortable for me. I know you get it.
day in the life for sure! <3
Been there, done that. An unexpected little snooze always concerns me. Just have to confirm that it's truly just a little snooze and nothing more.
Argh I have that same battle in my head. Then my son usually drops off in the car , and is infact low.
Oh the conversations in our heads! My voice tales to me about 18 hours a day!!! I wasn't with Vince the first time he used the pump, so when he started on it again last year, I was scared. We knew the pump trainer. She is very nice. I said I have a dumb question. Can this thing malfunction and pump all 240 units (the amount we load at one time) into him? She said no, she has never heard ofthat happening. But I was still scared of that for the first month or so. Now I love the pump and love the CGM even more of course. Also, Vince tends to fall asleep a lot on the couch. He snores a lot too. If he is sleeping and is quiet, I get nervous. I used to actually get mad when he would always fall asleep (though I have gotten much better about that) because I would get scared when he went to sleep!! How sad! So I know, oh do I know....
Augh so exhausting! I do this back and forth thing with myself even and I don't know how we're supposed to not do it-it probably serves as life saving stuff sometimes right? sending you lots of <>
There is nothing more worrisome than your d child falling asleep in the backseat while you are driving!! It should put a parents mind at ease to see their child blissfully sleeping and know they have a quiet moment but oh no..Erg. Stupid Diabetes! Glad to hear it was ok.
uuugh I hate that :( just once we would love to see our babies sleeping and not think "is he sleeping? or worse?" I'm glad Joe was just pooped out. xoxox
p.s. I would have driven off the road probably bravo for keeping your outer cool.
I wish I could see her falling asleep randomly as peaceful, but it never is.
My line in this situation is, "Ethan, poke him and see if he shifts position." He's a deep sleeper (I understand Joe is too) so the poke doesn't wake him, more irritates him with wrinkled eyebrow, but still eyes closed. Poor babies, just don't get left alone, eh?
It is the heart pumping moments like these that people with no connection to Type 1 Diabetes will never understand! So hopin' that cure comes soon!
It's the times like that that remind you how much D consumes the lives of those who have Type 1 or care for a Type 1. I think you've inspired a blog out of me!!!??? =) I love you, and wish we were neighbors...really wish we were neighbors! ((hugs))
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